Help Me
by HermioneMusicPiano
Summary: What would happen if Bella had a nightmare that triggered an asthma attack? Will Edward come back to his fiance in time to mend her heart and keep her breathing, or will he be too late to claim back forgiveness. Can Bella even be saved from herself and her asthma? Will the nightmares ever stop for Bella to believe that her second family aren't going anywhere? Find out!
1. Chapter 1

*Dream*

_Alice and Edward are standing next to me, for once their beautiful and graceful faces look scared. The Volturi look fierce and intimidating, Aro's stern impression seemed to be boring into me, I started to shrink even closer to Edward but he still wouldn't avert his glare._

_Jane starts to torture Edward, 'You will answer me!' Jane screeched._

_But Edward stayed silent, shaking his head defiantly._

'_Stop it! Stop it now!' I screamed at Jane to stop but she didn't listen. Instead she just had that pathetic smirk on her face, like she was actually taking pleasure in seeing someone in so much pain._

_Finally, she stops, Edward drops to his knees, weak and drained from Jane torturing him. He looked so lost as I held his head in my hands and looked deep into his eyes, trying to give him courage and strength._

_But we weren't in Italy anymore, we're in the woods and I'm looking into Edward's eyes from a far as his head is ripped off by one of the baby vampires. I scream and I scream. No one hears me. No one sees me. Looking back at Edward, his face changes to all the others of his, mine, our family: Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Esme, Carlisle, Rose. All of them dead. I'm alone. My throat releases half a sob, half a scream as i collapse down onto the forest floor._

'Bella! Bella wake up! Please Wake up!'

I open my eyes and through tear streaked eyes I see Edward with a concerned and worried look on her face. When he sees my tears he pulls me in close, softly and beautifully singing my lullaby and rubbing circles on my back. In time the painful both memory and reality started to seep into the past. That's when we heard the wheeze.

My chest felt like an elephant was standing on top of it. The air in my chest wheezed with every breath I took. My breathing became more painful and more laboured – what the hell was going on.

I looked over to Edward, but he looked shocked. He was lost in thought, and I needed him.

'Edward' I gasped, instantly regretting saying as much as that as it left me even more breathless. But it worked. He held my waist and looked into my eyes, our foreheads almost touching.

'Bella what can I do to help you?'

For once he looked lost at what to do, he was asking me for help on helping him. All this took me longer to process than usual, the focus I needed on breathing was increasingly difficult. Edward arched one eyebrow, prompting my response, he had forgotten to breathe in his anxiety.

'Bella! Bella you're turning blue, what's happening what do I need to do?'

My vision was becoming less focused and i was struggling to form the right words to answer Edward – how could he not know what to do? I knew I needed Carlisle but how could I say that when I could barely breathe. Times like this I really wish my love **could **read my mind...


	2. Chapter 2

'Bella! Bella I need you to stay awake for me, you can't go anywhere ok?'

I nodded weakly but so much of my effort went into trying to breathe. It was getting so hard just to breathe – this was scary as hell and I wanted it all to be over, but it wasn't getting any better. My fingers were stiffening and felt really tingly any time I moved them, they were straight and I couldn't bend them properly. I felt myself getting more and more dependent on Edward holding me upright.

'Edward...you..need...to listen...to me...okay?'

Having to take so many breaths to get out was not good, the thought dawned on me, i needed help. There, I know I won't like it but I need to be able to breathe, it just isn't a nice feeling having to ask for help, my independence is the one thing I can boast about especially when I am such a clust.

'Bella, tell me what you need?'

'Carlisle...he's a doctor'

It was now even harder to breathe, I could feel the skin on my neck being sucked in with every short, shallow but heavy breathe I took. Edward frantically took out his cell phone and called Carlisle, talking at their insane vampire speed all the while rubbing soothing circles in my back.

My breath was getting shallower and shallower. It was fricking scary. My chest was getting and tighter, my lungs felt like they were being compressed but I couldn't do anything about it – what the hell was happening to me and why does everything always happen to me?

'Bella listen to me – Carlisle is on his way but he was out hunting, he's going to be 'about twenty minutes so you need to hold on for me ok? Try and stay calm, please?'

He looked so scared, all I wanted to do was comfort him and tell him this was nothing, something every human went through, but I couldn't even tell myself that, how could I tell Edward that I wasn't sure. How am I going to last twenty minutes?...

Edwards PoV

I felt so helpless, all I could do was just watch her as she was struggling to breathe, she didn't deserve to suffer like this, not after everything we've..she's been through. Her chest was heaving and I could see her skin on her neck being sucked in between the bones in her neck. I slowly lifted up her top to look at her stomach and ribs; I was shocked to be able to see her lower ribs almost sticking out when she breathed in. This was not good. This was not good. What could I do, my love is sat in front of me struggling to breathe but I can't do anything to help her, my brain feels in utter shock. Every time I try and think what to do to help Bella my eyes lock on her heavy breathing. I have never seen anyone find breathing so difficult, in all my years, of all the horrible sights I have been witness to, in my brain and in others, why did this one have to happen to my Bella?

_Edward! Listen to me, I am ten minutes away but you need to stay calm, for both of yours' sake. Bella needs you to stay calm; she needs you, now more than ever. She needs you to stay calm, this is scarier for her than it is for you, if she sees even a hint of your fear it will make things worse. Please Edward, I am almost there but you need to help here, stay calm my son, I am coming._

Bella's PoV

I couldn't take my eyes off Edward, he was my rock and I needed him to help me. I could feel my breathing getting more and more difficult, I could feel my chest heaving with every breath I took and I could feel my energy supplies quickly depleting. It was getting harder and harder to keep breathing and my body wasn't making it any easier.

I could see by the even more vacant expression on Edward's face that he was concentrating on someone's thoughts; it was similar to the one that Alice got when she got a vision. I was desperate for Edward, anyone to help me but I knew it was pointless to even try and talk. My chest was heaving, I could feel my airways becoming tighter and smaller – this was not good. I didn't like to admit it but I needed help desperately.

In one last ditch attempt to get Edward's attention I waved my hand in front of his eyes, hoping he would come back to the real world and help me. I could see the fear in his eyes and it wasn't helping. I needed him. I felt weak, tired and pathetic but I needed him.

At last he came back to me.

'Bella, I am so sorry, I don't know what to do, Carlisle is about ten minutes away, I need you to stay calm. Look at me Bella, keep looking at me. I need you in this world, please, stay strong for me, you can beat this, you will get better, I promise you.'

I tried I really did, I kept looking at Edward, but the light-headedness was increasing, I was now completely dependent on Edward keeping me upright now.

I was looking into his darkening eyes when my eyes felt like they were receding.

Blackness.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Sorry this is taken longer uploading than the others, cliffhanger might or might not be resolved this chapter, you will just have to read it to see! Enjoy.**

Edward's PoV

Seeing Bella slipping into the unconscious was terrifying. Her body slumped against mine, her breathing was weak and still heaving heavily. I couldn't lose her, not now not ever. I needed her to help me live, I needed her...for everything.

I willed for Carlisle to be here, I needed him, Bella needed him, we needed him.

_Flashback_

_Bella was writhing on the floor in pain, she was in so much pain. But Carlisle was there at least he knew what to do, I just looked at her, lost at what to do to help her. Things had moved so quickly, but I couldn't let her go now, we had so much to do, she needed more of a human life, she needed to be able to properly live her life, I couldn't be the one to take that away from her_

_End Flashback_

'Bella! Bella! Bella please wake up my love! Please, I need you, you can beat this, just wake up! Please!'

My eyes seemed to be filling with venom tears – I needed Bella, I knew I couldn't cope without her, she needed to wake up. I held her body, listening closely to her heart and her breathing, they both sounded so weak, her heart was beating fast, trying to keep alive but it sounded weak all the same. Her breathing was shallow and heavy. She seemed so weak, so helpless, and I didn't know what to do.

I don't know why I didn't think of calling Carlisle sooner, it's already filling me with so much guilt, how the hell could I have not have thought to do it? I needed her, she needed me.

'Carlisle, please hurry up, Bella won't wake up – she's so weak, we need you here dad.'

I spoke loudly, hoping Carlisle would hear me. I could only hope that he was near...

...'Edward!'

'Carlisle! Please help her, she's gone unconscious, she's not been able to speak for ten minutes!'

'Edward, listen to me, you need to let me do my job, I will look after her I promise, I will do all that I can for her, you just need to give me some space to help her.'

As he was speaking Carlisle was getting a mask and some clear liquid out of his black medical bag. The mask had a long clear tube connected to it and the tube went along and connected to a blue box which Carlisle plugged into the electricity. He switched the machine on and he injected the clear liquid into a little cavity there was right in front of the mask and then he quickly put the mask onto Bella. The machine was vaporizing the liquid he had put into the mask, he sat onto the bed and embraced her so she was leaning against him, semi-up-right, presumably so that that smelly thing could make my Bella better.

She looked so weak, her legs were still twisted round in the blankets on her bed but before long Carlisle had wrapped her whole body in the blankets, neither he nor me wanted her to wake up cold, if she woke up.

'Edward you need to listen to me now and pay attention, okay?'

I nodded, I wanted, so much, to say more, but it was all I could do.

'From what you said and from what I could hear in her lungs, Bella had an asthma attack. Don't worry, it is treatable, she just needs to control it. What I've given her is a nebuliser, it opens up her airways and "calms her lungs down". She went unconscious because her body was protecting itself. Edward, you need to learn about this, you need to be able to help her, she will need you during these first few months more than she has ever needed you before, she will be tired, she will be weak, she will be determined at times and at other times she may not be quite so, you need to be there for her, you can't freeze like you have done today, I dread to think of the consequences if you did.' Do you understand Edward?'

I tried so hard to process what Carlisle was telling me, how could I have allowed myself to freeze like that, Bella had needed me desperately and all I had done was stare at her. God she must hate me, what have I done to her, she is so weak and almost lifeless in Carlisle's fatherly embrace, how could I have let it get this bad? I needed to do what Carlisle says, I need to find out about this, Bella needs me and for once I can use the whole no sleeping things to actually help her.

I thought back over the evening, I needed her so desperately that I completely zoned out, how could I have been so selfish, how could I have allowed things to get so difficult for Bella? Breathing, humans take it for granted and us vampires don't need it, sometimes I am so engrossed and almost hypnotised by Bella that I forget she isn't one of us. She needs to breathe and she had almost stopped doing the thing that keeps her alive.

I looked over to Bella. She was the only human that I had inextricably fallen in love with and I almost lost her this evening. Despite her naturally pale skin tone, she was somehow paler and her skin had a tinge of blue – her fingers; lips; face. Her body was weak, limp and was completely dependent on Carlisle supporting her. I needed to get out of here; I couldn't look at her when she was like this and I know she needs me but like this I am no good to her. I can't fake strength in front of the woman I love and if I tried to fake it, it would only make things worse. I needed to get out of her, she was in safe hands with Carlisle, he didn't freeze and zone out when he saw her, he was strong, I am weak.

'Carlisle, I need to go, somewhere a few hours from here, I feel so guilty for what's happened tonight, I am no good to her like this.'

'Edward are you sure this is a good idea? She needs you, she loves you.'

'If there was any way I could stay here right now I would, but I need to go. I will be back in a few days from now, just please look after her Carlisle?

'Of course I will son, Bella is like a daughter to me. I understand, you need to do what you need to do'


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N So here is chapter 4, hope it's alright, please read and review, not sure whether to take this any further. Enjoy!**

Carlisle's PoV

As I was holding my daughter in my arms watching my son leave to collect his thoughts, I couldn't help but worry and concern myself for my son and daughter, they were so frail in their own ways. Edward was frail as he was so anxious to protect Bella and was so in love with Bella that sometimes, and it pains me to admit it, his desire to protect Bella overshadows the joy and happiness he should have when he is with her. Bella, she is so human, it makes her weak but beautiful, courageous and inspiring all in one, but she can't see it.

I suppose, with having now developed asthma to this noticeable level, that she may be forced into taking care of herself a bit more, who knows how much more protective Edward will be. I could hear Bella wheezing when Edward rang me earlier and it scared me, but my doctor's experience soon came to the front of my mind.

I looked down at Bella, my daughter (or she might as well be), and saw how weak she looked this evening and understood how it had worried Edward. The nebuliser was working, I listened intently to her breathing and heard the air in the bottom of her lungs becoming healthier, deeper and calmer. Her wheeze was still there but was much better than earlier on, I hoped desperately Bella would wake up, that was the only way I could find out about her health the past few days.

'Bella, dear, you need to try and wake up for me'

There was a slight raise in her heart rate but not much, she needed to wake up so that she can recover properly, it pains me to wake her up when she will need her rest but I have to.

'Bella, honey, please, I know you don't want to but you need to wake up. I need to help you, you need to wake up, I promise it won't be for long'

This was enough, her heart rate increased enough and she was starting to stir.

'Bella, it's alright I'm here'

'hmm, Carlisle?'

Bella's voice was timid, quiet, weak and slightly croaky. Her wheeze was still there now she was breathing a little faster.

Bella's PoV

The last thing I remember was I couldn't breathe, and everything went black. Well that's not good. I felt a little better, but my chest was tight and I felt physically and emotionally weak and I don't know why. Last night was so scary and I want to know what's going on with my own body, is that too much to ask?

Someone was talking to me, Edward? No, maybe Carlisle.

'Carlisle?' I asked, but I so hoped it would be Edward

'Yes honey it's me, how're you feeling'

I tried to push myself up but as soon as I tried my arms started shaking. Carlisle eased his arms under my upper back and held my head, pulling me upright and leaning me against him and the headboard on my bed.

'What happened? Where's Edward? Why do I feel so weak? Why is this happening to me? Where is everyone else? How long have I been out for? How long is this horrible feeling in my chest going to last for?'

As I asked these questions I could feel the panic and nervousness rising in my body and heard the panic rising and becoming apparent in my shaky and croaky voice. I looked up to Carlisle with pleading eyes hoping he could give me some answers.

'Bella, darling, you need to calm down, your lungs are very delicate at the moment, panicking will not help'

His words were soothing and gentle not reprimanding, as I felt some tears falling from my eyes he wiped them away holding my head to his chest and rubbed soothingly on my back. I gave in to my emotions which had risen up my body and were now pouring out. I held onto my dad's shirt as more tears fell down my face. I felt so pathetic but I couldn't help it. My tears soon subsided, I had little energy left, barely enough to hold myself.

'Bella, I hear your questions, I know you are scared and I know you want to know what's happening but we need to build your strength up so you can stay strong. But, I think you ought to know, Edward has left for a hunt, he was feeling stressed and felt he was of no use to you as he was this evening.

He's left me. He's not coming back. I can't do this again. I can't live without him. I need him, why did he go?

Sensing my panic Carlisle quickly added 'Don't worry Bella, he will only be gone for a few days, he's coming back this time, I promise you, now can I examine you?'

Sighing, I nodded my consent.

Carlisle shifted me so that I was tipping forward, his body still twisting slightly but solidly supporting my weak body, one arm around my upper chest was stopping me from collapsing completely forward. His other arm, his spare arm was using attaching his stethoscope to one ear and moving the cold metal over my back listening intently to my breathing.

'Why are you using that? Can't you hear my breathing from a mile off?' I asked my dad

Carlisle chuckled angelically, 'Our hearing is not quite that good, and although I can hear your breathing quite well without this stethoscope, I wanted to be quite sure about what I was listening to'

That didn't sound good, as if sensing my apprehension my miracle dad continued, 'Don't worry, I have heard worse, but it seems that you have asthma and at the moment you still have limited airway in the bottom of your lungs, so I think I am going to give you another nebuliser. It's a drug that is vaporised by a machine and you breathe it in and it helps your airways open up. I gave you one when you were unconscious, it only takes five minutes to work, then you can get some rest.'

I nodded. I didn't have the energy to do much more. He held me upright as he moved the cushions on my bed and then moved my backwards and more upright so that I was propped up by the pillows, completely dependent on them to keep me upright. Carlisle then pulled the covers and blankets up as high as possible so as to keep me warm then quickly set up the weird looking machine.

I didn't really get a proper look at it, it was on the floor by my bed but I didn't have the energy to have a look. Too soon, Carlisle was putting a mask over my mouth and nose and hooking it around my head with green elastic fastened onto the mask. He eased my head back onto the pillows and sat on the side of my bed, facing me, his eyes slowly assessing me as I breathed in the white gas, gradually feeling my lungs getting lighter.

'Dad?'

His face beamed when I called him dad, it lifted my heart, he would never replace Charlie but he was so caring to me he had become a dad to me.

'Yes Bella?'

'Could you read to me? There's a book that I have been reading on my nightstand'

'Of course, it would be my honour.'


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

That night when I found out I had asthma, Carlisle read to me until I fell asleep, supporting my body with his, holding me in a protective embrace from the rest of the world: no harm could come to me in my second dad's arms.

The next day Carlisle went and got some inhalers for me whilst Alice helped me make myself presentable. I still don't quite know why, but that morning I was still so weak – I couldn't do much and I was exhausted in every possible way. It made me realise how just because a person may look to be coping and look to be alright on the outside, isn't always the case in reality. The nightmares and the asthma are hidden away under an exterior, an exterior which many people don't see through, an exterior which so many people can't be bothered to look behind to find out your troubles. I should know – I wore an exterior for so long that even my boyfriend didn't notice or even suspect that anything was wrong.

Carlisle went through with me and Charlie the drugs that I needed to be taking – it's all quite simple but I can't get over the fact that I'm asthmatic, but I guess there are always going to be things in life that we can't believe or accept. The thing with having asthma, although Carlisle didn't mention it, is that surely if your breathing is being affected and you're not getting oxygen, then could I die? I don't want to die, Edward wouldn't cope, Charlie would mourn the loss of a daughter he was only just getting to know again and, because of me, Carlisle and Esme would lose their first son – I can't let so much damage happen to people who tell me they care about me.

Carlisle and Esme haven't said anything to me about my nightmares, but I can't imagine it will be too long – I had one that night two weeks ago and I've had them every night since then and I'm afraid the signs of tiredness are being noticed by my second family. But I need to keep these nightmares a secret, if they find out then they'll think I'm even more of a weak pathetic human and then they'll leave me again, I don't want to lose them again.

I've not seen much of Edward in these two weeks, he came the morning after the attack, apologised quickly before telling me he was going hunting with the rest of his siblings. I don't say anything when he's there, and I don't look at him either. I know that if I speak or look at him I will just breakdown and/or shout at him and I can't deal with Charlie restricting curfews on my fiancé coming round but most importantly I can't seem to bear to argue with Edward because if I feel like if I say the slightest thing wrong then he will make a decision for my "protection" and make his family leave again and I can't bear that pain again, not when it's not even healed from the first time yet.

A while after Edward left I had a text from Alice inviting me to go shopping with her, Rose and Esme – don't even know why she asked me – I mean shopping isn't really my thing and I needed some time to think things over in my head. This shopping trip turned into a shopping holiday, since it was the 'summer' holidays, Rose and Alice don't need to be in school and they all seemed desperate to get to the designer sales in France and Italy. Carlisle had work so he couldn't go anywhere and Alice had garunteed rainy weather for the few weeks that they were all going to be away for.

Day one of most of the Cullens' absences and I spent it busying myself with housework. As usual Charlie had left early in the morning for work and was going to Billy's after work so wouldn't be back till late in the evening so I had the house to myself. I seemed to get a week's worth of housework done in one day but in my haste I think I forgot to eat – i've not exactly had much an appetite since the...Italy so I don't think it matters, I had some beans on toast in the evening though.

Today is day 4 of the majority of my second family being away. Charlie hasn't really been around much, he's either been working or round on the reservation so I pretty much have the place to myself. I've been getting so much work done – the house has been cleaned, the rare bits of garden we have, have been gardened and my school work pile is getting smaller so last night I decided to flop on the sofa and watch a chick-flick. It obviously wasn't very good because I found myself being woken up by the phone ringing.

It was Carlisle and his concern for me was so touching. He asked me how my breathing had been (it had been neither good nor terrible) and asked if I wanted to come round to their house tomorrow to have a catch up and prevent either of us from getting too lonely. His paternal worry came through when he detected my tiredness and suggested I go to bed then and that he would pick me up today around ten o'clock in case I was still too tired to drive.

Well last night wasn't a good night, far from it. The nightmares were horrible. They all had my family members being murdered, they were telling me that they never should have come back to me, they should have left me in pain and they never cared for me – it was all a pretence to make the family seem normal. The dreams were terrifying and I woke up so many times, screaming into my pillow, tangled in my blankets with panting breaths. Luckily Charlie didn't hear anything, or if he did he didn't bother to come.

So all of this is why I'm sat here now, at the kitchen table, clutching a cup of coffee, trying to think of a way out of seeing Carlisle today – it wasn't that I didn't want to see him – he was essentially my second dad – but if he saw me, then he would realise how weak I was and then he would realise what a mistake they had made in coming back to forks.

It seems that my brain didn't work fast enough in thinking of an excuse to call Carlisle with, because all of a sudden I was being woken up by the shrill ring of the doorbell and it could only be Carlisle.

Walking to the door, I did my best to put on a brave and tough and energised face for Carlisle and greeted him with a cheerful greeting when I opened the door.

"Hi Carlisle, it's good to see you again."

"Bella, it's been too long – are you about ready?" His eyes were glistening gold but seemed like they were silently boaring into my soul and scrutinizing my movements.

"Yeah I'm ready, thanks for coming and picking me up" I scooped up my bag and keys, locking the front door and following him down the path.

"Nonsense Bella, you know I'm always happy to help you out."

Like the true gentlemen, he opened my door for me, making sure I was in before shutting it again and walking around to the driver's seat at a brisk human pace.

The drive passed in companionable silence. His car seats were so comfortable I felt like I could sink into their padding endlessly as I stared out the window, watching the world go by.

I was woken from my world with my door being opened by Carlisle, who had a mischievous smile lurking on his face.

"Nice day dream Bella?!"

I winced slightly before answering with a slight sarcasm "haha, I just got caught up in my own world I guess."

I hoped he didn't notice the wince – possibly naive, but I was grateful that he remained silent as we walked into the house.

We walked into the kitchen and Carlisle started fixing me a drink, for some reason my nerves were kicking in. Why was I nervous – this was Carlisle – nothing would happen to me with him.

"Bella, are you alright? You don't seem yourself today." His eyes were full of concern and worry, but I couldn't say anything to him, I just couldn't.

"Yeah I'm fine, just missing Edward I suppose."

Nodding his head in understanding, Carlisle sympathetically replied, "Yeah I see your point, I'm missing Esme just as much as you're missing Edward I suppose."

I just nodded in reply – I couldn't risk saying anything that would make Carlisle suspect anything, I couldn't risk them going away and leaving me again – they would realise how I wasn't worth the trouble.

"Bella – your drink's ready – care to join me in the living room – we could watch a film?"

"Oh thanks Carlisle, and yeah sure, a film sounds great."

Picking up my drink we moved through into the other room. As I was looking along the shelves of DVDs, I was area of Carlisle's eyes on me, before he moved to light the fire.

"What about Dark Knight Rises – the new Batman film?"

Carlisle nodded and set the DVD up whilst I sat down on the sofa, clutching my drink of hot chocolate – even though it was summer, it was still cold in Forks and long sleeve tops were the norm.

Seating himself next to me on the sofa, Carlisle pulled a plush blanket from the back of the sofa and spread it over me. His concern for me was touching and made a warm and fuzzy feeling spread across my body. Thanking him with a smile, I turned my attention to the film, trying not to think about whether or not Edward and his family actually would return.


	6. Chapter 6

BPOV

After the film finished, my stomach grumbled loudly causing my to blush madly and fix my eyes to looking at the floor – anywhere but Carlisle. I looked up when I heard a chuckle coming from him.

"Bella, you know you don't need to be embarrassed, you need only ask if you're hungry, or failing that you can help yourself without a single word – you know we don't mind. Shall we fix you up some food?"

"Yeah that would be great Carlisle, guess I didn't notice how hungry I was getting – the film was great."

"It certainly was, I'm surprised that Emmet or Jasper haven't made me watch it with them – they usually drag me in to watch this sort of film within an hour of them buying it."

"Carlisle, would you mind if I made my own food?"

"Of course not Bella, help yourself"

As I busied myself preparing my lunch, Carlisle sat down on one of the kitchen stools, watching my movements. I tried not to pay any attention to the tiredness I was feeling – I couldn't give in, I couldn't be weak.

I ate my dinner in silence, avoiding Carlisle's gaze, even though he was reading the newspaper. Once I'd finished my meal, he asked me what I wanted to do and I opted for going for a walk – as long as he didn't let me fall, which he readily agreed to.

As we walked out of the house, Carlisle offered me his arm with a smile, which I accepted. It was a comfort to know that he was there and also the security that he would catch me and protect me if I stumbled.

I don't know where we walked, it was peaceful and beautiful and calming. After about ten minutes of a slow-ish walk, we reached a clearing with a fallen tree on the edge of it where Carlisle guided me to and we sat down.

I was still deep in thought – asthma, nightmares, the Volturi, the newborn army fight, whether Edward would come back – they all swam around my head in circles, escalating and worsening as seconds went past. Whether it was the nightmares or my surroundings but I found my chest beginning to tighten quickly and a slight wheeze was creeping into my breathing.

"Bella, Bella look at me – you need to take your inhaler – where is it?"

Carlisle asked me with a slight hint of concern and worry in his voice and eyes. With a sudden thought I realised it was in my bag at the Cullens' house and not with me – not good.

With a sudden gasp, I replied "It's back at home in my bag – I can't believe I left it – I'm so stupid!" This was all spoken in between breaths, with Carlisle maintaining eye contact but with a reassuring hand on mine.

"I'll carry you back home then and then you need to have some puffs on your inhaler ok?"

I just nodded in reply as Carlisle swept me up into his arms and set off on a gentle but fast jog back to the house. Clutching at whatever comfort and calm there was left in my body, my hands grasped at the fabric of his jumper and my head rested onto his shoulder. A lone tear slipped down my cheek and onto his sweater but he didn't seem to mind.

In almost no time we were back at the house and in mine and Edward's room. Carlisle eased my grip off his shirt and sat me down on the bed, next to my bag. Acting immediately, I rummaged through my bag and did the puffs on my inhaler – closing my eyes whilst counting in an attempt to remain calm and not show Carlisle the fear that I knew must be in my eyes.

I was roused from my thoughts by the feel of a cool hand on the side of my face, their thumb brushed away more tears that I didn't know had escaped. Leaning slightly into the touch of their hand, I slowly opened my eyes to be met with Carlisle's concerned eyes, looking at me with paternal worry and sympathy.

"Bella, do you want to stay and rest in here or go down stairs and rest in the living room?"

I thought about this, I knew I needed to talk to Carlisle soon about everything that was going on, but I wasn't too sure if I was ready yet.

"I think I'll just try and get some rest here if that's ok?"

"Of course it is Bella"

He swept a stray piece of hair from my face to behind my ear, before stepping back and giving my space to remove my shoes and ease myself under the covers. Carlisle came back towards the bed and tucked my hair behind my ears, with a gentle and paternal smile, and then pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes at his touch – I really needed to talk to him but I couldn't now – I just needed and wanted some sleep.

"Have a good rest Bella, I'll be in my study so just call if you need me – you look like you could do with some sleep so try and have a power nap okay sweetheart?"

I nodded in response and snuggled into the covers as Carlisle left the room and gently shut the door. Within no time I was asleep, but it seems I didn't forget my worries for long enough.

_I was running as fast as I could from the Volturi, the screams from the innocent people being led to Aro's chamber were reverberating in my mind. I needed to get away from here but I had that God awful sense that someone was following me. Chancing a quick glance over my shoulder, I was horrified to see a flash of red hair getting ever closer to me. _

_The scene in Italy dissipated to being the forest, Edward was telling me that he didn't love me, his family didn't love me, they were all leaving, I would never see them again, I was a mistake, he should have left long ago – we're not suited for each other. I shouted and shouted for Edward to come back but all I could see was forest. _

_The volturi made a comeback now, along with the Cullen family. But the family was telling me that it was all my fault, that I caused their deaths, they should never had talked to me and it was my fault that the Volturi came after them and I should rot in hell. Then, one by one, they were killed by the Volturi. I screamed at them to stop but they wouldn't listen, they just laughed at me and told me it was my own fault and I should have to live with it. I begged them to kill me but they didn't, they just laughed even more._

With a jolt I woke up and sat straight up in bed. Carlisle was next to me, repeatedly saying my name. Seeing Carlisle there and alive brought such relief to me that tears sprung from my eyes and sobs tore out from my chest as I surged forward to grasp at Carlisle. He whispered sweet nothings into my hair, rubbing soothing circles on my back, running his hands through my hair and holding me to him in the protective circle of his arms.

He repeatedly whispered the words of "Shh, Shh, Bella. It's alright, I've got you. You're safe now, it was just a dream, it's not real. Shh you're safe now."

His words soothed and calmed me, thankfully there was no wheezing or tightening of my chest. But still, the sobs tore from my body and tears spurted down my cheeks uncontrollably.

Keeping me in the circle of his arms, he brought me onto his lap and tucked my head under his chin, wrapping his arms slightly tighter around my body. After about 5 minutes, my sobs had died down and my breathing was much closer to normal. My head was resting on Carlisle's shoulder but I still clutched at his sweater in my hands – if I held on tight enough he wouldn't leave me.

Gently, I felt Carlisle trying to ease me forward so that he could look at me. Not quite trusting myself, I stubbornly set my eyes on my feet. Apparently he wanted none of that as he used his finger to bring my head up and then held my face between his two hands. I closed my eyes before I looked him in the eye, tears starting to build up my eyes yet again.

"Let me see your eyes Bella. Please"

I couldn't deny anything from Carlisle's pleading tone, especially after he was bringing me such fatherly comfort.

Opening my eyes, I was met with Carlisle's eyes, full of concern and paternal worry, with a bit of guilt mixed in as well.

"Carlisle, I need to talk to you, I know I'm going to hedge my way through this and struggle and quite possibly cry again" my voice started to break just at this, "But I need to talk to you so please don't interrupt my because I need to say this and if I stop I don't think I'll ever start telling you again."


	7. Chapter 7

Help Me – Chapter 7

BPOV

The compassion and understanding in Carlisle's eyes just made me want to tell him everything – the thought gave me butterflies but also made me look forward to a sense of relief that I hoped I would get when I told him everything. Here goes nothing, but not before I felt a reassuring squeeze of my hand from Carlisle.

"I've been having nightmares. Not just from today, but every night for the past two weeks so I've barely slept at all. With Edward not here it's just done nothing but exacerbate my worst fears and make me remember that time last year, the newborns, the Vol..Italy and James and Victoria. And then my tiredness is making logical thought processes fewer and far between but whenever I do try and sleep, my nightmares just come back and, even though I try not to, I believe what James and the Volturi are telling me in my dreams"

"When Edward left, I was catatonic, I became an adrenaline junkie, just to hear his or one of your family's voices telling me to stop. Whenever I hurt myself, I wanted you to be the one to put me back together. Whenever my shoes fell apart I wanted Alice to already know and have bought me shoes to replace the broken ones. Whenever I was cold or hurting I wanted Esme to comfort me and Emmet to cheer me up. But most of all I wanted Edward to be there for me and tell me everything would be alright and he would love me for always. But none of that happened – I'm not saying this to make you guilty – I know Edward lied to you too but I want you to know what happened for me"

"These nightmares are so real Carlisle – they overwhelm me, swamp me, become my reality and...I don't...I don't know...I don't know what...what to do anymore...I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Edwards been gone for two weeks and I've barely heard anything from him – it infuriates me but it's always overwhelmed by the too powerful fear of him not coming back to me. I need him Carlisle. I love him so much that I don't think I could go on without him. But everytime he has come back, I've been so relieved and grateful that he came back to me that my anger is dropped...just like that."

"I love you guys, all of you, but I love Edward like there's no tomorrow, I couldn't live without him – we've both proved that already."

I'd finally finished what I was saying and I couldn't go on. My body was shaking with silent tears and shame and tiredness. Tears streamed down my cheeks like a waterfall, unrelenting and crashing down my cheeks. I was so ashamed of what Carlisle would think – would he leave me?

I suddenly became aware of a man's hand spread across the back of my head, holding me to a man's chest. Their other hand was holding my back, soothingly moving up and down. A gentle shushing came out of their mouth, no condescending in their voice, no shame, just concern, support.

I then had the courage to look up – it was Carlisle. I don't know why I thought it would be anyone else, but I had to check, there was so much doubt in my soul – I needed to know it was him, I needed to know that he hadn't left.

"Oh Bella, my darling girl, I wish I could take you pain, your doubts, your fears away, I wish I could with all my being. But if you let me help you – I will. We won't leave you ever again."

Upon hearing these words, I flung myself forward, closing the little distance left between the two of us, clutching my hands into his shirt, using all my strength to hold him and keep him here, to make him stay.

But he wasn't put off. He stayed, he calmed me, he comforted me, he protected me. Even though it took what felt like years for my tears to calm, and slow down, he still held me and comforted like the best parent ever.

Once I was calm, I still clung on to my dad's shirt, letting my eyes rest closed, enjoying the peace.

"Bella look at me please darling"

Slowly, I looked up into my dad's eyes – compassion and love.

"We will never leave you again. You, Isabella Marie Swan, soon to be Cullen, are in our lives and you're not going anyway anytime soon – you mean the world to us – to me and Esme you are as much of a daughter as Rose and Alice are, to everyone else, you are another sibling, just as dear to them as the rest of them. And then to Edward, you are the love of his life. So, my wonderful daughter, we are going to get it into your head that we aren't going to leave you, ever, ever again."

Looking into his eyes whilst he was telling me all of this, I saw nothing but the truth, and love, and compassion, and pride – a father's pride. Yet again, Carlisle made me go warm and fuzzy inside, and, most importantly, I believed everything he said to me. I knew, that Carlisle Cullen could never lie or deceive me, whether it was his gallantry or the age he was born in, he would never lie to me – of that I was sure.

"Bella...Speak to me my child"

Breaking me from my reverie, I looked up at Carlisle and beamed at him – hoping to display all of my happiness to be his daughter, to be in his family, for them to never leave me again. Not being able to say anything out loud, I instead opted for lunging forward and giving him the tightest hug my weak arms could muster.

"Easy Bella – don't want you to crush any ribs hugging me with that much force!"

I let out a little giggle at that and sat back up, I felt so much better having got everything off my chest – it was such a relief that it felt like a physical weigh had been lifted off my shoulders, and it felt great!


	8. Chapter 8

Help Me – Chapter 8

Bella rants and argues with Edward at last but has an asthma attack just after he's left – will Carlisle make it in time to help her?

After I had vented and revealed all to Carlisle. We spend the remainder of the day relaxing, reading and chatting. It was a good distraction from me missing Edward and him missing Esme.

Edward returned the next day. He seemed to think that all was forgotten and forgiven. We hugged, we kissed and then we went to our meadow. We were laid in the meadow, his fingers were idly sweeping through my hair. I really hated destroying this perfect moment, but I needed to say it all now – I couldn't let it slide again, I was an independent woman.

Sitting up suddenly, I stared straight ahead, trying to coherently organise my thoughts.

"Love? What's going through that wonderful brain of yours?" His fingers were now tracing the pattern on my top.

"You know it just isn't fair, Edward. You can't expect us to be perfectly fine when you left me with no explanation when I needed you the most. Instead, you text and call me from God knows where and expect me to be alright with it."

"Don't get me wrong – I'm really pleased that you've come back to me but I'm sick of being treated like a pet – someone that you can just leave at a moment's notice and not tell me why you're going or when you're getting back . Yes you cuddle me; love me; adore me; look after me; cherish me. But you also pet me; think you can leave me without a moment's though; lie to me when you think you're protecting me and I can't bare it much longer, it's like I'm a cage in a bird that you think you can leave me with barely a moment's doubt. And before, you would look after me without any doubts; but with my asthma – you run away and leave me and I'm scared and afraid – you seem to forget that this is all new to me as well – I never planned to get asthma, but I've got it – and I need you to support me and tell me that everything's going to be alright."

Edward stared at me, dumbfounded.

"I never intended to pet you – you need to understand – I am protecting you"

"No Edward, you are NOT protecting me, you're keeping me from living- I love you but I can't go on like this – half living a life – things need to change – this isn't the 1920s anymore."

"Don't you think I know how much time has passed? How much time I have speant believing myself to be a damned existence, without company, without love? Isabella Marie Cullen, I love you with all my non-beating heart"

"I love you too Edward. But I'm not the one who's been gallivanting off without a moment's notice, am I?"

He winced at that.

"I...I just didn't know what to do – I would have been in Carlisle's way if I had stayed"

"Then why not just leave the room?, not leave the state, hell you could have left the country for all I know!"

"For what it's worth I didn't leave the country – I just couldn't see you like that – it tore at my heart seeing you in pain, seeing your fear in your eyes and I just couldn't cope with it, knowing that the nightmares had been caused by my knowing you. Bella – you are worth so much to me that I can't bear to see you hurting. Please Bella, this is for your own good"

"Don't you dare say that. This is exactly what I hate – you making decisions for me, deciding what's best for me – surely I should have the final decision in that?!"

"But Bella, please understand – I was so distraught when you had your first asthma attack, I would have been no use to you and I would have made it worse – please try and understand that, love."

"But you help the nightmares, you make them go away, when I'm in your arms, you keep the nightmares at bay. But you left me. You left and didn't call, contact in any way for weeks. I was so damn scared that something had happened to you. Do you know how many times of every hour of everyday I asked Alice if you were still alive? No, you don't: Because you weren't here when I needed you the most."

My voice had started strong and independent, but that last sentence was a miniscule echo. My voice wavered, breaking as I desperately tried to hold in my sobs. I couldn't stop my knees from buckling, from my arms wrapping around myself; from my right hand, clenching into a fist and pressing into my chest, trying to hold myself together.

As soon as I felt Edward's hand on my back, I batted it away: he let me.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry that I've treated you this way."

"Get...away...from...me" I practically growled.

For once in his life he listened to me.

I just sat there, in our meadow, a once happy and care-free place, sobbing my heart out letting go all of the pain and heartache that I had been holding onto for weeks.

Then came the guilt, I couldn't believe I had just said all of that stuff to Edward, and he left, he left – is he coming back? Have I made him fall out of love? Did I say too much? Please don't leave me.

Desperate, I managed to stand myself up, my body still shaking violently with sobs. Stumbling forward, I ventured forward in the direction which I thought the Cullen house would be – hoping that he would be there. But that's the thing – I didn't know how to get to their house from our meadow. I was lost – I always came and left here with Edward, and I had been so focused on him and our time together that I never paid any attention to where the meadow actually was – it could have been anywhere in the entire world – that was part of its beauty.

But I pushed myself further in this direction, I didn't have my cell with me and if I continued this way, then surely I would get to civilisation sometime. My body caught on twigs and branches. I occasionally caught myself on something – a rock or a branch – which I knew would show a bruise up sometime soon. I kept walking and walking, trying to keep my hopes up that soon I would come out of the woods and find my family.

But then I tripped and fell awkwardly over a rock on the forest floor. Landing with a heavy thump on the ground, the breath inside my lungs was instantly knocked out of me. Instantly I knew that was not good. I kept myself low to the forest floor, trying to fill my lungs back up with oxygen, propping myself up on my arms. Gradually, the effect of being winded by the fall was disappearing so I eased myself into a sitting position and tried to find out why there was a constant pain radiation from my foot and ankle. As soon as I eased up my right trouser leg I found out why – my ankle was at a funny ankle and I'm pretty sure the rock had cut into my leg as there was a fair bit of blood on my leg. I say I'm only pretty sure because the pain in my leg as well as the strong smell of the blood blurred my vision and pretty soon the darkness surrounded me – providing both relief and fear.

I woke up with a pain in my neck, and the pain in my ankle had grown, but the first thing I noticed was the tightness in my chest, the wheeze which was coming from my lungs and the pain from my lungs – oh oh.

Frantically checking all of my pockets, my heart sank when I realised that I had yet again left my inhaler at home – so I had no inhaler and no phone – great!

Desperate, I called out into the forest the names of my family, just hoping that someone would hear and come find me.

...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I apologise deeply for the long wait – I am just about buried in college work at the moment, especially with my exams being in about 3 weeks time. I have been working on this chapter for a while and was going to add some more before I updated but decided you readers had waited long enough. Don't know how many more chapters this story can have but if you follow me as an author you will probably reap the rewards over the summer. Happy Reading!**

BPOV

Darkness is bliss don't you think? Although the fear of what lays hidden in the dark is something which many don't like to think about, the darkness for me this time was bliss: there were no worries that my family would leave me; no fears that Edward would leave me; no fears at all. So when I started slipping back into reality, whether it was being lost or the return of my fears, I was so very afraid.

As my senses returned to me, I realised, with a heavy stomach, that I was still lying on the forest floor. Tears, immediately fell from my eyes. My chest was still tight and wheezing heavily. The fear and dread had increased ten-fold but I no longer had the strength to call out.

My vision was starting to fade again.

I was scared.

I didn't want to die.

Just was I thought the darkness would envelop me once again, Carlisle appeared in my vision, frantically calling my name, telling me to stay with him.

I became vaguely aware of his arms slipping around me, picking me up, cradling me against him and air whizzing past us.

The fact that I was now safe was all the comfort I needed and I allowed the darkness of exhaustion and relief to take its hold on me, but not before I whispered:

"I'm sorry daddy"

...

My senses slowly came back to me.

I was first aware of a cold and strong but gentle hand supporting and lifting my head up and putting what felt like a nose and mouth hospital mask on me, before easing me gently back down onto a soft fluffy pillow.

The pair of hands were then checking my pulse; rearranging a cover on top of my body and placing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

Feeling completely at peace, I allowed sleep to claim back what little awareness I had just gained.

...

The next time I regained minimal awareness, it was my hearing which came back to by brain.

Quickly distinguishing between Esme and Carlisle's voices, I realised they were in an adjoining room to where-ever I was.

"You mean to say, that my daughter, who is lying unconscious or asleep in our room, almost..died"

"I'm so sorry Esme, yes, my love, it's true" Carlisle's voice held so much compassion it was calming and lulling to anyone who heard it, "Sshh now darling, she's safe now, she just needs her rest."

Out of seemingly nowhere, I heard Carlisle start delicately humming a tune which I had never heard before – it was truly beautiful, with a delicate and simple melody. The graceful tune lulled my back into my own perfect bliss.

...

The next time I was easing out of my darkness, I was aware of no one in the rooms near me, no movement, no sound, nothing. Scared that my family would leave me like this my eyes shot open and upon seeing no one, I scurried out of the bed which I assumed was Carlisle and Esme's. However, my progress was immediately halted by my ankle – which had now been wrapped in a bandage – gave way and caused my entire leg to flame up in pain. Landing was, you guessed it, awkward, landing heavily on my hip with my head bouncing slightly on the wooden floor.

"Ow!"

Carlisle was instantly kneeling next to me, hands each side of my face, staring deep into my eyes.

"Bella- what happened?"

His eyes were full of compassion and understanding - it amazed me how that was all they ever held.

"I woke up, but no one was here, so I got out of bed but went and fell over thin air – nothing unusual. I think I twisted when I fell though."

I became suddenly embarrassed as I realised I was still slumped on my side, on the floor. A rush of blood surged into my cheeks.

Correctly noting the reason for my embarrassment, Carlisle eased me up off the floor and propped me up on the cushions on the bed.

"First of all, Bella, how much pain are you in?"

I took a moment to assess myself, going over the parts of my body, deciding not to be a burden, I said I was fine, ignoring the pain in my knee and head, hoping they would go away.

"I'm fine, Carlisle."

"Bella" said Carlisle with an inquisitive tone.

Dropping my eyes at this, I fixed my gaze on the bed's footboard, anywhere other than Carlisle. But it seems like that wasn't what Carlisle wanted. His hand came and eased my chin upwards. I stubbornly closed my eyes. Comfortingly, he held his hand over the left side of my face, gently brushing lose strands of my hair, unknowingly soothing the tingling radiating from my head.

"Sweet child, please tell me what is going on– I can smell fresh blood"

"I just don't want to be a burden or a bother to you and I'm scared that you're gonna leave me but my leg, hip and head hurt and I just want the hurting to stop now, please don't leave me."

All of this blurted out without much conscious thought. After it had all come out I hoped that he hadn't heard me through the sobbing. But at the feeling of being held tightly and protectively in Carlisle's arms, I knew he had heard every word. Instead of the dreading that the Cullens would leave me, I now felt so bad for not telling Carlisle and for hiding my doubts. As my brain went over all of my fears, I felt increasingly worse for not confiding my fears in Carlisle, after all, when had he ever been anything but understanding?

I hadn't realised I had started crying, no sobbing, until he was using his thumbs to brush away my tears. However, this made me feel even worse, I didn't feel that I deserved his kindness, spurring on a renewal of my tears.

Correctly sensing my unease, Carlisle spoke reassuringly into my ear whilst calmingly rubbing circles on my back and brushing his other hand through my hair.

"Shush dear, you're not a burden. You are just as much my daughter as Alice and Rosalie. You are loved. You are cherished. You are not alone. We won't leave you again. I'm not going to leave you again. Daddy's here Bella. I'm here. It's alright. I'm here."

Eventually, after much repeating of such things it I finally calm down and slump against my dad's body. I was perfectly happy to sit there with him – one hand was brushing through my hair, the other was wrapped around my shoulders and waist, supporting me against his body.

We sat in comfortable silence, before an involuntary shiver escaped me and Carlisle said to me:

"I can treat you in these pyjamas – Esme changed your clothes for you since you were thoroughly soaked to the bone, but unfortunately your bandage has soaked and some blood has gotten onto your pyjamas so I'll find you a change of clothes after I've treated you. Do you want to stay in here, go to my office or move into Edward's room?"

"Ok. And, if you don't mind, could we stay in here, I like it."

"Of course, dear. Let me just go get my stuff and then I promise to make it as painfree as possible."

Taking the opportunity of Carlisle fetching his medical items, I closed my eyes, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Bella, are you sure you're alright? Apart from your injuries I mean."

"Yeah, Carlisle, I'm fine."

"Of course. First off, let's look at this ankle of yours. I fixed it up when you were unconscious but I'm not sure if you might have done any damage to it in getting out of bed so I just want to make sure."

During this time, Carlisle had swiftly unwrapped my ankle bandage and had begun feeling tenderly over the injury. Obviously everything was fine as he was quickly re-wrapping it. Moving up to my leg, he cleaned the various scrapes with antiseptic and dressed them quickly. Carlisle then felt around my hip before revealing that nothing was damaged but I would have some bruises. I nodded in understanding, not really having the energy for conversation, something which Carlisle seemed to understand, happy to work in silence.

Thankfully, the only pain came when he felt around my head. Feeling round my head, with gentle, probing fingers, he quickly found a tender spot which cause me to whimper in pain.

Quickly withdrawing, Carlisle said, "You have a slight concussion, so you may experience nausea, but you should be fine within a few hours. Right then, let me just find you some clothes."

Moving over to the other side of the bedroom, Carlisle opened sliding wardrobe doors so that I could see the items inside.

Not really bothered what I wore for what was left of the evening I just said to him, "Could I just wear a pair of sweats and a warm sweatshirt please?"

I didn't mean my voice to sound pathetic, but I couldn't find any more strength.

"Of course – here are Esme's only pair of sweats – she doesn't like them for some reason – and here is a simple shirt and some socks and...hmmm"

Going and opening a separate door, Carlisle extracted a fisherman's green sweater which I had seen him wear once or twice.

Holding it up for me to see, he asked, "Is this alright?– nothing of Esme's is quite casual enough than what you seem to want"

Smiling warmly, I eagerly nodded and stretched my arms out for the sweater Carlisle was offering – I needed his comfort and for some reason the thought of this made me feel safe.

"Right, I'll go down and make start off some dinner and a hot drink. Take it easy when you get changed and please call me when you've finished changing, I haven't got any crutches here for you and won't be able to find you any till Monday unfortunately."

Nodding and smiling in thanks, I turned my attention to the clothes Carlisle had given me. Slipping into the clothes felt so good, particularly as I hadn't realised how cold my clothes were. Unhappily, I discovered that my arms were too sore to roll up the sleeves which felt miles too long of the sweater.

Calling out to Carlisle, who appeared within seconds, my voice seemed to not want to work, so I simply held my arms out to him and waved them, emphasising the length of the sleeves on me.

Chuckling slightly to himself, he said "I guess the sleeves are a bit long – are your arms sore Bella?"

To this I nodded and simply asked, "Please."

"Of course, Bella. You know, you look drained of all energy, are you sure you want to go downstairs or do you just want to go to sleep now?"

"No I'm alright, I need to see some of the day after all! Could you take me downstairs now?"

My answer was Carlisle picking me up, whilst being mindful of my injuries, and carrying me downstairs.


End file.
